Men Against Abortion New Zealand

Men Against Abortion NZ are my new best friends. I am an eternal, predestined being who receives the hard earned tax money from the founders of this page for my healthcare. Because of this, I have the relieving benevolence of MAANZ to guide me through tough personal (but not that personal) reproductive health decisions.

Thanks to MAANZ, I now know I shouldn’t have been asking frivolous questions on their page. Their stance on primary preventions to unplanned pregnancies, like sex education and access to contraception, is not my place to question. If I don’t like people who don’t like abortion, I shouldn’t get aborted.

I am a woman with the ability to commit hate crimes with my uterus. My uterus is like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. My uterus is like Canada which is wedged between America and a native bird on my property. The native bird did not evolve from any atheist conspiracy theory.

Because I am a woman who receives the sacred sperm of men in the pre-destined creation of a pre-existing pre-born pre-baby, I am very special. So special that I’m not allowed to comment on their page anymore because it’s a page for men about men’s issues.

The moderator helped me realise, through deleting all of my silly foetal-container comments, that I should listen to Him. He will Help me with His infinite wisdom. He knows that my Health, the timing of my eternal children and the economic means I need to become pre-mothered with a pre-baby, is neither Here nor there.

If I conceive a sacred life of predestined beauty through rape, I now know I should let go of any selfish desires to spare myself from carrying the product of my sexual assault for 9 months. I might go on to have a daughter who creates anti-choice infographics.

MAANZ has showed me that they don’t hate women – some of their ‘likes’ are women! Women are useful parts of the eternal pre-destined plan of pre-people. Like the nurse who supplied her car to have its fuel line cut by someone opposed to the hate crime of terminating unplanned pregnancies.

MAANZ doesn’t support any violence towards abortion providers. Instead they support passively protesting the facilities where women access reproductive healthcare, through arson and vandalism.

I am truly blessed to learn so much about my sacred duty to provide unhindered access to my uterus. My healthcare decisions are in much better hands with people who never have to cloud their eternal non-evolved minds with concerns about having an unplanned pregnancy.

Thank you, MAANZ. You have taught this typing uterus so much.

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